Hezo Kittie

The Bi-Monthly Deuce

The CEC Concerts pseudo-retreat to UCSB's Extravangza 2009 was hectic. It was very last second and lots of stuff went wrong. But, like every trip to Santa Barbara, everything worked out like it always does.

It started on Saturday when I went to Ralph's to grab some things before I picked up my passengers. First, I didn't want to get cash back because I didn't want to put my groceries on my debit card, and wanted to use the ATM on the way out but I forgot. So I had to come back into the store from the parking lot to get that $crilla. Then I forgot that I needed cigarettes so I went back in to do that and was finally about to leave when I realized that I couldn't find my parking validation. Time was already kind of tight at this point.

All of that seems pretty small but things like that kept happening all day and it was definitely a struggle at times.

The Films director, Megan Lee, was attending the concert and could take two people with her, so she took Hannah and her boyfriend Grant to SB around 2pm. I was taking a current staffer Charles Ma and two fresh hires Katie and Este. It was a really good opporunity for all three because Charles had been pretty shy all year so I was glad he was completely stoked to go and bond with the current and new staff.

The drive was relatively quick and painless, minus having to slam the brakes once when traffic suddenly choked. I think I gave everyone a pretty gnarly whiplash, but thankfully no actual injuries.

We called Hannah when we're almost in Goleta (where UCSB's campus actually is, which is the town after Santa Barbara itself), and she said that she's already checked into the hotel and that they were going to Kahuna Grill. We agreed to meet them there, but when we got there we didn't see them. I called them back and they're like, "Yeah we're here where are you?" Turns out they were in the one in Santa Barbara and we were in the one in Goleta. FML. Hannah was like, "Hold on I'll call you back." We kind of just stood around awkwardly for a little while and I eventually called her back because we needed to figure out some kind of plan. When I called her she replied with something like, "No you were wrong I told you guys we were going south on the 101 so we're at the right one..." But I was totally confused becauase it definitely wasn't situation in which we're trying to figure out what the 'correct' answer is, it was just total miscommunication. I think she was frustrated because it sounded like the people in her car were giving her a hard time and saying she led them to the wrong one. So I just proposed we eat wherever we were right now and then to meet up at the hotel, preparty, then head over to the venue via cab.

So we finished eating and I thought, "Man, we are like right next to the campus right now and Megan is driving directly to the show. We should just go to campus from here, meet up in IV, preparty somewhere in IV, then walk over to the show. By the end of the show I'll be sober because it's like five hours long, and I can just drive people back to the hotel after the show."

I called Hannah and told her the new plan and she said, "Wait what? Then what was the point of booking the hotel if you're just going to be sober after the show and be able to drive all of us back?" I just thought it was a good idea based on the current situation because if we had to meet up at the hotel, preparty there, then wait for a cab to take us to the venue we'd lose a lot more time and the clock was ticking at this point. She sounded frustrated.

She was also concerned that we wouldn't be able to preparty before the show based on the new plan and that, if I did what I proposed, I'd screw up everything we'd already set up.

I was speechless because I just didn't have an answer for her. I thought it was a really good idea but instead I was getting burned at the stake for it. She was pretty angry. I needed to come up with an idea.

I told her that my sister is likely prepartying in IV and that we can just meet up with them and then head over. So I tell her I'm going to call her back. I first call my sister and she said they were hanging out downtown then going straight to the show. FML. Our other staffer Gabe was already in IV with some people and I called him and asked him if he knew of anything going on in IV before the show. He said he knew some people living in IV but he wasn't too close with them, but he'd call them nonetheless. So I nervously waited for him to call me back because I was currently leaving Hannah and the rest of the other car hanging. He finally calls back empty handed, so that completely burst my idea (the prepartying was an essential part of this trip). I had to call Hannah back to say we're going back to Plan A (we all meet up at the hotel). But I was scared that she was going to tear me a new one when I say that everything in the last half hour was completely irrelevant because she already sounded hella frustrated at me.

So Charles, the new hires Katie and Este, and I were sitting around the table and I was like, "Fuck... I'm going to call Hannah back right now and she's going to kill me." Katie said, "Haha, is that how she is?" And I realized that that was a horrible thing to say because Katie and Este have spent zero time with Hannah other than the interview and I was giving them a crappy first impression. "Heh, I guess," I replied, "but that's why we love her." I'm not exactly sure if that defused their perception but at least I tried. It thizz what it thizz, yadidamean?

Then I did my worst Peter Schiff impersonation when my prediction blew up in my face. Instead of releasing the crocodiles on me she was all smiles. "Back to Plan A." "You sure?" "100%. Hotel, Cab, Show. Let's do this." "Cool, dude. We'll meet you there."

I could go on and on with all the things that went wrong. We didn't have any more booze when we got back to the hotel because I didn't buy enough originally and Este was planning on sneaking some of it in but tossed it at the last second, we missed the entire Cool Kids and Cold War Kids sets, we made a crucial wrong turn to buy booze from the grocery store and missed the last call, Megan was supposed to take two people back after the show but spontaneously decided to crash in IV, I was being my usual fidgety self while asleep and kept accidentally waking Hannah (and possibly others) up, Asher fucking Roth was their 'surprise' guest *complete buzzkill* etc. etc.

All parties involved had some kind of setback throughout the night, it was pretty bad. Definitely a consistent stream that I've never experienced before.

But in the end, it was all about GIRLTALKGIRLTALKGIRLTALK holding it down. I haven't been drenched in that many people's sweat since Justice @ HARD Halloween. The energy was incredible.

And even though all we had for six people was 40oz of Mickey's, a bottle of wine, and two beers, our hotel was fun in a tween slumber party kind of way. And even if we had to pack like sardines for some poor sleep, we all had rides home the next morning and made it back in one piece.

The evangelicals' answer to, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" is sometimes, "Keep your heart open and God will reveal Himself to you."

God damn evangelicals are so fucking cryptic sometimes. Reciting doctrine don't mean shit holmes. Also, what the fuck does the previous paragraph have to do with anything?

Although the weekend isn't exactly a shining example because based on the information presented it doesn't sound like we had any REAL problems** (how dare you say that my frustrations are any lesser than yours! hehe), the details aren't the point. Check it: we designed a very reasonable plan and encountered bump after annoying bump along the way. The end result (missing Cold War Kids, flaked rides, etc.) was not the plan at all. In fact, it wasn't on Plan B, Plan C, or Plan F either. The eventual path we traversed wasn't even on the blueprint, it wasn't even a passing thought, but when I really thought about it, every little piece, good and bad, came together and, like I said about SB trips in general, was packaged neatly with a bow in the end.

Like pretty much every single thing that happens ever, that's life. I envision how I want my life to be or how I want the weekend to go or how my classes are going to be designed or how dinner with that hipster girl is going to play out and then I haul ass and it blows up in my face and I'm at a point that I never thought I'd be. And it's horribly imperfect yet surprisingly gorgeous. (I think that's what annoys me when I subconsciously think someone is so perfect; it's because no one is, and I get skeptical because my perception of him or her is fake and a projection of something I think I need in my life. Then I get to really know the person and they're nothing like that but way cooler [because not only are we defined by our flaws, maybe we should be embraced for them.])

Moral of this story: POOPSICLES!