Hezo Kittie

Honeymoon's Over, Pop Quiz!

In my long and interesting exploration of spirituality over the past several months, I've thought about the idea of God putting us to the test. The test where the shit hits the fan, where your loved ones blindside you or screw you over, when the hurricane hits without warning and destroys your house and belongings and every personal possession you've accumulated through your life. And throughout my conversations with people over the summer, I listened to people such as Kurt, Dooner, and my seemingly fearless sister be put to their ultimate, world-shattering tests.

As for me, I took an extended honeymoon where I simply understood Christianity and said to myself, "This is it. This is THE way to live. Not just the RIGHT way, even; This is LIFE." But I didn't really feel it. It was more like a small candle in my belly, where I got excited because Christianity wasn't completely ridiculous nonsense but cleverly logical and mind-boggling perfect.

So, I liked it and respected it. But that really isn't enough. At first I thought that I hadn't yet been put to the test (which would truly show myself where I stand), but later came to the conclusion that we're all put to the test every single day.

But man did it go down today. A couple of my closest friends used me, treated me as a lesser person. It wasn't even a culmination of questionable calls on their part, because our trust had been building gracefully for years. It was literally a one-day shotgun round to the soul. I'm thankfully lucky for this to never have happened before until today, but to have been seriously wronged by people you love is a shock, to say the least.

C'mon God, you're going to blindside me with a Pop Quiz? It isn't even Week 1 yet!

And yet, as I sat and I thought and I tried to analyze and rationalize myself out of my rare grief to no avail, I knew that I still HELLA love people, especially them. I love everyone even more. 'Ye once said, "That that won't kill me will only make me stronger," but he wasn't talking about anaerobic exercise or that a non-fatal bullet wound to the foot from your enemy deserves a couple slugs to their dome, but that the haters and the chaos can only make our spirit stronger. Because when I come out of all this with the biggest, most sincere grin of my life and think, "My faith could handle that?? Love really is bulletproof!!" My faith is pretty damn solid. Pop Quiz passed.

The story is long-winded and not particularly worth it, but the details aren't the point.

"What a conqueror!--a conqueror who controls humanity at will, and wins to himself not only one nation, but the whole human race. What a marvel! He attaches to himself the human soul with all its energies. And how? By a miracle which surpasses all others. He claims the love of men--that is to say, the most difficult thing in the world to obtain; that which the wisest of men cannot froce from his truest friend, that which no father can compel from his children, no wife from her husband, no brother from his brother--the heart. He claims it ; he requires it absolutely and undividedly, and he obtains it instantly.

Alexander, Caesar, Hannibal, Louis XIV strove in vain to secure this. They conquered the world, yet they had not a single friend, or at all events, they have none any more. Christ speaks, however, and from that moment all generations belong to him; and they are joined to him much more closely than by any ties of blood and by a much more intimate, sacred and powerful communion. He kindles the flame of love which causes one's self-love to die, and triumphs over every other love. Why should we not recognize in this miracle of love the eternal Word which created the world? The other founders of religions had not the least conception of this mystic love which forms the essence of Christianity." - Napoleon Bonaparte