Hezo Kittie

I've slowly started to turn love from an abstraction to a reality, and this is what I've found. It's a kind of "2 + 2 + 2 = 6" sort of simplicity that I find inherently energizing.

1.) Listen
2.) Empathize
3.) Stop criticism

They already seem like good things in themselves, when actually they come together perfectly.

I've spent a good portion of my life thinking, "This is stupid, that is stupid, this person is stupid, that is retarded, etc." and, looking back, I see that I've been the one who's been dense and narrow. As if it mattered how someone acted on first impression, if they were obnoxiously loud, how they dressed or what music they listened to, among other superficial things that were no indication of how a person really is. Even if I wasn't conscious of it, I was silently judging and criticizing people on my high horse, without ever knowing them.

It doesn't make sense because I can twist anything to be stupid. Paying a lot for jeans is stupid. Going to UCLA to study dance is stupid. Playing games is stupid. Going to college is a stupid waste of money. Not going to college is stupid. Drinking is for immature teenagers. Emo kids are stupid. Happy people are stupidly ignorant and blissful. People who listen to nu-metal are stupid. Indie music is stupider. Clear Channel can s my d.

But it's not that easy. I'm only nineteen but my mind is old, and when things get for real my warm heart turns cold. And empathy is necessary in order to stop the negativity. Whether or not I agree with how people act, I have to appreciate and respect them for being who they are in order to love.

Criticism is my interpretation of their life in comparison to mine. Empathy is seeing where they come from. Not just what they say and do, but why. They are the exact opposite. It just takes more work to empathize and find out who they are. Walk two moons in their moccasins, if you will. God damn these allusions are horrible.

And in order to empathize, I need to listen. Really listen. Not just hear their words and think, "Based on what I believe in, I think that's absolutely idiotic." or even "Based on what I believe in, I think that's totally cool." I want to listen and interpret why: what is basic of this person, what is important to them. That's what's cool about being human. We all have values, and they're all different. I want to see and appreciate.

It's pretty cool because it's like I have a million eyes instead of just two. I guess I'm enlightened, but I don't like that word because it has a negative connotation these days.

It's cool because, for example, I know and truly respect Brian and Hilty for who they are even though all three of us are so different. Thorsell too, but we are pretty similar in certain respects.

It's weird because I must've spent years hanging out with Christen but I have no idea who she is. It's not even because we've never talked about "deep" stuff before, because that's not a requirement to know someone. I don't even think it should be recommended. I simply feel like I never really knew her.

And sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Who knows.

The hardest part is now to not judge those who do judge. But it becomes easier to empathize because that was, or still is, me.