Hezo Kittie

Stuff I Learn at College and Other Stuff

I've spent so much time trying to figure out what moves me to act and WHY it moves me to act. Why do I feel angry because of blah, and why do I feel great after blah? Everything that I enjoy and like and dislike seems haphazard and pointless, or so I thought.

I was flying back up to the Bay for winter break, and I was sitting next to my friend Lexi from LA on the flight. We talked about all different kinds of stuff, and she mentioned that she went to Catholic school for almost her entire life. I asked her what religion she practiced, and she said, "I'm not particularly fond of Catholicism and religion in general, I just practice the religion of love!"

I thought that was pretty cool, but I didn't think too much of it at the time.

When me and Kurt were philosophizing one day (since we all know being lost in someone's thoughts is about the most interesting thing we can do in San Ramon) in the beginning of the summer, he said, "As far as the 'Why am I here? What is my purpose?' argument, the best answer I've heard was from Christen during sophomore year. I asked her what the point in being alive and doing anything is, and she just responded, 'Love.' And I thought, 'Oh yeah huh.'"

Again, I thought it was pretty cool, but I didn't think too much of it at the time.

And one day I was on my way to work, not doing anything, zoning out and whatnot. I sat down at my desk, stared at a blank computer screen for a second, and realized something big. I wasn't even doing anything particularly cool. Real talk.

Life isn't about pleasure, or your friends, your current and future life partners, or even your family. It's even more basic. Your friends will come and go, partners might cheat or lose interest, and your family might just push you out the nest. But it's fine. Actually, it doesn't even matter.

Love (the feeling) is fleeting. Love (the verb) is absolutely bulletproof.

Girls and friends and family and hurricanes might be tough sometimes, but nothing will ever take away my ability to love. It is the one thing that I can count on to be perfectly true of myself. Not "I love you", but "I love".

Love what you do, love who you are, love the people who matter (and those who don't), love your dog, love talking, love thinking.

Criticism and potential failure cannot touch my ability to love, and my capacity for love. I can't believe how cool that is. I found this out like two weeks ago, and I'm still totally stoked on all this new stuff about love. How love coincides with forgiveness. And empathy. And all how all things true come from love.

It's not even like, "Learn to love so you can save African babies." Maybe you personally don't love saving African babies. Loving what you do isn't just an extra base hit better, it's completely out of the ballpark better. It's not even the same freaking game better. Not just, "I hate my job, but it'd be better if I love it." Being motivated by love gives us the ability to find what we love.

I dunno, it's just all this stupid stuff that you learn when you're like, five, that I just figured out.

Organized religion? Eh.

Duty? Sorry Kant, no dice.

My ability to love is absolutely untouchable.