Hezo Kittie

I can't believe how much I've drinken tonight, and all the bear and the following events have fucked me up really bad. I swaer to God I don't know what I want out of my life. Maybe to be successful ,except not at all, or to do exactly what I've wanted to do all my life would be cool, but now I honestly don't konw. What the fuck. I hate myself for not knowing what I want out of my life. It's ridiculous to think that I'm living on my own, and I have no priorities at all because I canb't consider to myself what's importan tto me. I am too drunk to blog so I'm going to be a dumbass.

I am becoming increasingly more drunk. I think it's all the Miller Genuine Draft that's gone into my system. I htought that hard liquor has made me a much more drunk person, but it turns out that beer is extremely subtle but extremely potent, especailly when ytou enjoy the taste of it as much as I do.

I'm slightly embarassed because I feel like my entire body of thoughts have been cashed over the past few weeks or so, and that I've nothing more to say. I know it's only 9:30PM and that I've got tons of times to say exactly waht I want to say.

I swear that no matter how much I say I think I know what I want, I never know what I want. I don't know what would be solution to the shit that I've been worrying about for the past few months.

It's weird to think that, in reality, we are all looking for the same thing, but the means in which we try to find what we think we want are completely different.

Corinna is so amped to see her boyfriend either this weekend but for sure the weekend after that when he comes down to UCLA. I am 100% sure she will never break up with him because she is too stoked on every single thing about him, and it's crazy to think that there are people like that in the world, that honest to goodness love someone that much, and to have it be mutual. Those couples are few and far in between.

Today has been much less introspective and much more bro. It's super bowl sunday, which might as well be called Bro Sunday, where everyone can just let out their inner bro and be rowdy and rambunctious with each other. I thought it was fun, even if I never paid much attention to the game, but I'm back in my room and, having two assignments that are due tomorrow, one at 11am and one at 9pm, neither of which I've started, I realized that I've gotten much more drunk than I should've been. But it's fine, because I couldn't care less about my studies, right? I actually like to learn things, as long as it's part of a balance, so I guess I've failed that mission. My balance is skewed either one way or the other.

Cady, I'm going to call you more, okay?

This weekend everyone is going to be gone, and I'm going to spend the weekend by myself. And I'll get over it and not care, but for the time being I know that I'm going to trip once I start to get bored and crazy regarding schoolwork and wish there was someone around to hang out with for a few hours before I finish the rest of it up. And Cady is going to be throwing a big party at her house, and James is coming back up to the Bay with Marlon, and they have two spaces in the car in which to take Kellie and Corinna, and it's going to be pure torture. It'd be cool if Hannah would come down and chill with me at Starbucks for a few hours, but realistically it's not going to happen because she's such a hyperactive girl that I know that that time we were actually able to chill was fleeting.

Hannah is also bummed that, with Kellie going to the Bay with Corinna and the rest of them being gone, that we are going to be the last ones left. And it'd be tolerable if I even thought that me and Hannah might be able to have a good day like we did yesterday, but to assume that would be unreasonble. Hannah changes her mind so much, and is different so much of the time, that she probably wouldn't call me this weekend, or I'd call her and she'd be increidbly indecisive about doing anything.

I can't believe I talked about politics and history last night for over twnety minutes. That was whack because I don't know shit about what I'm talking about and it's stupid.

I don't know. I don't really care anymore. For some reason I can envision a perfect life here, and it's weird to think how much easier everything was last quarter. But it's far, far from that.