Hezo Kittie

September 21th, 2006

I've only got a few days left in this world I call my life, and it still hasn't really dawned on me yet how different everything will be by Saturday afternoon.

It started yesterday when I started to empty out my room completely and tossed out the crap that's collected over the last three years. I honestly think that half of it was history homework, so at the very least it's nice to know that the pounds of dittos and papers actually paid off; I'm not taking a history class anytime soon.

Throwing away all those little trinkets that have accumulated on my dresser felt kinda nice, in a way. Ever since middle school, I've tried to hold on to every souvenir of wonderful San Ramon livin', from movie tickets to sports tickets to Rock the Bells tickets to plane tickets to Houston. It wasn't exactly catharsis, but being able to open up a trash bag and dump the remnants of high school away helped me get into the right frame of mind. If I kept all these things, it'd be hard to move on. And I'd be really messy.

I wouldn't change it if I could. If my life could consist of making coffee for people every morning, going out with my friends at night, and having food and shelter readily available, I'd take it without a second thought. Simplicity is bliss. Maybe that's why I've not written anything in a while.

I haven't yet started to really worry about college life, but once I leave I'll start to fear the worst. Being an awkward freshman again is not enticing at all. I remember when I first entered high school, I thought it would suck completely. It did at first, as I tried to find out who I hung out with and whatever else. But it turned out for the better; this last year has been amazing, better than 8th grade, exactly how it should be.

It's never been too hard to say goodbye, because people I know come and go all the time without any greeting or farewell. It's hard to explain, but if you never saw someone for a few months, it's like they left and said goodbye, just not verbally. Just calling someone out of the blue one day and trying to catch up doesn't always pick up where it left off, so my departure won't be too different from any other absence of friendship.

September 27th, 2006

Thursday night was very fitting for one last hurrah of my senior summer. There was poker, many assorted beverages, a bunch of the people I grew up with or quickly appreciated in our limited time together, as well as little sleep and a little sickness.

Paola is such a funny kid. I would say that I wish we were better friends, but she's so different and interesting that I'd feel like a dull, inadequate friend for her. Since she came back from the Philippines over the summer, she's been eating dinner with her parents every night, or as much as possible. Since she lived in the Philippines until she was a freshman in high school, she has really strong ties to her culture and her family, and I admire that. And she has so many funny stories about drama (literally) and newspaper.

I really have nothing meaningful to say except that every person who's reading this has spoiled me with friendship. I've tried the best I can to appreciate you all, so I am sorry if you've seen me as a flake or not always there. If I could do anything to show you how much you mean to me, I would, but I don't know what that'd be.

I think the hardest part about saying that you miss someone is not having it reciprocated honestly, but I promise you that no matter how long or forgotten senior year will seem, I will miss you all more. Even if it doesn't seem like it.

Thanks