Hezo Kittie

Hi everyone, welcome to March.

Kind of the stuff I was thinking about a little bit is how much stuff has changed from one year ago, give or take a month or two. I think back...

A year ago I was totally disconnected from myself. It was like I was floating through life, not particularly wanting to be at school or at home or anywhere. I hadn't gone online in weeks and watched movies in my spare time. I did my homework sometimes too and I might've listened to music. It was like I was disconnected from the past and I couldn't remember what it felt like to feel or be somewhere. I wasn't bored. I wasn't sure what I was.

Fast forward a year and now my head feels like it's going to explode. I feel like I have to always be online or else my friends'll forget about me. I'm stuck to the past and refuse to believe that anything's changed. I have to hold onto every good feeling because they're all oh so short lived.

I thought I had a lot more to say.

But I should've known that everything was going this direction since December. In my life, everything goes by in months. Since day one of January till now it's been downhill. December was trying to stay afloat in shallow water. November I was blind to my good fortune. October was insane. September was content. In September when I moved and didn't have internet, I'd lay on the ground in my room and listen to Public Enemy and it was good.

That was six months ago. Why does it feel like yesterday? I went to yanagi with Christen last week. Why does that feel like it happened years ago?

A year ago it seemed like everything went hour-by-hour. After I do do my math homework, I will eat dinner. After dinner I will do something. I thought of nothing farther than that, and nothing before that had no relevance. Why is it now that every word spoken to me lately has suddenly become relevant, when I know that the people who've spoken it have long since forgotten.

It's been two months since January, why am I still so stupid?