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Hello peoples. Holy shit it's 3:22AM what the fuck are you doing online Kevin?! Is what you may be asking yourself. But probably not, I mean aren't the longest ones at 3:22AM anyway? I'll probably go on and off until 6 and do my Chapter 7 pre-read.
I got back from Hawaii at 11 or so and yeah there's a two hour jet lag but that may be only partially the reason I'm up. I doubt this'll go anywhere.
It's pretty stupid to quote yourself because it makes you look idiotic but I have to find one of my old posts on Hezo Kittie...I'm sure it was around this time last year, give or take a couple days...
In the meantime, a completely new iPod design came out, check it out here. Here's my rundown:
- significantly smaller and totally new design
- five different colors (all metallic, no white)
- $249
- 4GB (practically useless to me, I already have more than 4GBs on my iPod)
- no touch sensitive buttons or scrollwheel
Wait what the fuck where's ownagi and dredg? I'm guessing the post below has something to do with that =
Nevermind I can't find the post. I remember what it said, it said...
LESS THINK
MORE ACT
That was when I was thinking a lot and not smashing enough apples in the streets. I don't really remember what happened after that, did I think less and smash more apples? Or vice versa? One thing I do know is that this does not compare to my current state of mind.
Maybe I have some sort of mind disorder that messes with your endorphins and all that other chemical bullshit crap that's inside your brain that makes you think certain ways. I can't even explain what I'm thinking. Actually, right now I'm not thinking about anything, but once I try to sleep then my crazy juices will kick in. None of it really makes any sense either. Thoughts go through my head, sometimes good ones but usually not, they're usually about theoretical situations that'll never happen or I'm almost positive will happen but then doesn't. It's a lot like pessimism in overdrive, which comes from the fact that I think that my life is going downhill from here...but I think change has always been better for me though it doesn't seem like it at first.
Life is telling me, go on, go with your life to become the almighty teenager! The greatest years of our lives! I'm so excited. Oh my goodness. Ayoooo .. for yayo
I don't think I've ever changed my entire life. Well, I've changed but the basis of what makes me me is this same exact feeling. I fight to preserve the trivial things that American society doesn't care about. Things that don't matter but have this inner...something...in me. The liner notes of the newest White Stripes album reflects this mentality. Hey, maybe I should discuss politics with Jack White!
This album is dedicated to, and is for, and about the death of the sweetheart. In a social plane, impossible to exist, and in memories, past defeating present. We mourn the sweetheart's loss in a digusting world of opportunistic, lottery ticket holders caring about nothing that is long term, only the cheap thrill, the kick, the for the moment pleasure, the easy way out, the bragging rights and trophy holding. The thirteen year old tattoo, the hard attitude, devil may care, don't call your parents, drink, insult, thank only yourself, and blame the rest of if you don't get yours. Gone to the ether, gone to your mother's hope chest, buried in the boot of the rocker, the trunk of the cedar, and they get laughs, they get home late, they missed the rent, they forgot your money, they've got a new friend they won't be told they are wrong.
It goes on in a stream-of-conscious rant that's quite...interesting. I don't care to elaborate though.
I remember Christen's response to me being the same person since second grade as "how sad". What's so bad about being me though, even before like seventh grade when I didn't have practically any friends, I was cool with that. And now I'm older and I have friends, am I cool with that though? I wonder that if I had everything I wanted would I be happy. I basically do, but instead of being happy, or even being sad, I can't stop thinking when this will all come crashing down in an inferno of flames and dust. And it's not that great anyway, but I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's. For every benefit that someone else had that I wish I did, there's a thousand billion things in my life that are worth it. I don't care to elaborate that either though.
And then there's me, in my second grade mentality, being dragged, kicking and screaming, into adolescence. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, and only time will tell when this idiom will kick into my head. But for now I'll contemplate the meaning of life.
Nope, there's no deep secret meaning to life. I looked through one eye and out the other, spoken to one ear to listen to the echo out the other. Maybe this only applies to teenagers, but when we strip away appearance, sex drive, pleasure, everything that makes our endorphins tick, we're left with sorry, sorry nothings. A big fat goose egg. ZERO
Really, the only thing we can rely on is ourselves, even though we don't know everything about ourselves because of denial, which is a creepy thing really. How can you not know everything about yourself? Or think you know when you're just lying to yourself. I think I've created a beast of myself. Really, why can't I sleep? Because once I lay down, the thoughts will kick in, the realistic, the theoretical, all of them. None of it is driven by anything in my endorphins, so scratch that I guess, there is something there.
Unequal love turns to hate. That's true in a way but then I'm not really sure. I mean isn't all love unequal? Or it's just love in general, how two lovers have to have the same general amount of love, one can't be too much more than the other. I mean it's all secrets anyways and someone's not saying something, but life's a mystery that's what makes it interesting, right?
What the FUCK is wrong with this post...it must be the ether.
Kevin killed the kitten at 5:26 AM
