Hezo Kittie

Yesterday after school, I think I was with Corinna and Christen, can't remember. As we walk into the doorway from the blue lockers to the main building, Kristine Andes walks by us, and my pulse goes up about 10 bpm for about one second and after she leaves I drop my backpack and do somersaults. It's okay, there wasn't anyone in the halls.

Corinna grabs me the shoulders and asks me if that was her, and I said, "Yes, I want to do her." She said she's never heard me say that before.

What the fuck am I doing?

I've been feeling recently that my beliefs make me a social outcast. I don't think like a normal person, but recently I've been thinking even more and more differently. I've gotten to the point where if someone forces a conversation on me because of my looks, I just want to scream GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME and kick them in the shins or give someone a swift kick in the nuts. That may sound stuck up or something stupid similar to being stuck up but all I know is that if someone liked me just because of how I looked to them then we would never become friends in the first fucking place. It's not that I don't want to be shallow, I'm just not. Of course there are a million pretty and attractive people in the world, many of which deserve a double take if you walk by them or a second glance, but that's the extent of it. I don't care how hot you are. I don't care. Get away from me and go find someone hotter, there's tons.

But now that I'm here at this point in my life, wherever I may be, I don't want to be like this. I want to be like omg hot girls I am going to marry them.

But I can't. I can honestly say I don't give a shit about Kristine Andes. She doesn't consume my brain or nothing like that. Corinna said she's never heard me say that, and I don't think I've ever said it before. It's just not me, and I can't be ashamed of who I am.

I just feel like a dumbass about it.

"You're asking me will my love grow? I don't know, I don't know. You stick around now it may show. I don't know, I don't know."

To be continued..