Hezo Kittie

Ugh sucks I posted a kind of long post that took a little while to write a few days ago and I got phone hacked right when I clicked the Post and Publish button.

Two things to say today. Friendships really fall apart these days. And people are REALLY annoying.

Wow it's already 4 AM.

So it's lunchtime and I'm like shit...I either don't want to talk to anyone, don't know anyone well, or they don't want to talk to me. I'm in a fatty hole and the people I want to talk to are never around.

I just recently thought about it, and I realized that I leave out a lot of things are left out.

So it seems like everyone is moving in a direction opposite me or away from me. Deja vu to another time where I couldn't remember the specifics, but it was last year I think or the year before that. This has been one very long year so far, and people have changed. My memory is terrible and I can't remember a lot of things that happened even a month ago.

Christen stole my backpack today that whore.

I'm going to make up some really queer personal test someday that will be awesome as all hell, and it'll be "Which one of the seven sins represents you?" Oh shit that's a good idea isn't it. I'd have to say I'm sloth because I'm the laziest person you will ever meet. And I bet that pisses people off because everything anyone does pisses someone off. Such as sneezing (?).

Back to today. So Christen and Felicia said they are going to come over and they didn't which was very dissappointing. Christen looked sad this morning and I wanted to say something but for some reason I didn't. It felt like the same force that keeps me from talking to Steph Huey, in my mind I want to say something, but my body is not letting me. This is surprising, though, since I consider Christen one of my close friends. Close friends are easy to talk to, but I don't think I've ever seen her sad before in the months that I've known her. I guess that makes me uncomfortable. What happens when the infallible Christen breaks down? Sounds like a question out of Dogma. If she is proved wrong then the whole world will become backwards and all existence will go into total chaos.

As for Felicia, I am toeing this line between friend and better friend, but I know that I won't get to the other side. It's another wall in my life full of walls. Felicia's little miss asian princess in the making, and that's a little too much for me. Reminds me of Brooke and that somehow I became close to someone that I didn't think was possible. She was different though, in a way she held me high in her mind. She opened up to me.

People aren't like that here in high school in this day and age. People these days are clique-y and very closed, well that's how I feel they are.

I downloaded all of the Dashboard songs for some twilight tunes.

I don't see Nicole much now; I remember seeing her a lot before but now I don't. Me and my shoddy memory blur things though, and I don't realize people are gone, just that a particular scene at school is empty and lacks something.

Don't see Corinna much anymore either, but I saw a lot of her today (saw her a lot today?) so that is cool. She summed up our friendship in one impulsive question: "How are we not best friends?"

Seems like the people I really, really talk to at all levels of conversation are just Nick and Christen. I talk to people, but it comes down to them. I enjoy variety, though, and I want to talk to many people on many different topics from stuff that makes you mad to...um...other stuff. I can't think of anything.

High school is very aggressive for people trying to fit in. There's so many people these days that want to be accepted in one group, in any group, in a few groups, that it really points out the almost combative nature of our really, really dumb natural social classes.

Wow it's almost five, I really, really, really need to get sleep.

Happy Birthday Kellie