Hezo Kittie

Friends...hmm...

I should be sleeping now. But we go to school later tomorrow anyway so I can stay up later.

Hmm...I am just staring at the screen and thinking. It's amazing how sharp my memory can be yet when I look back all previous relationships seem hazy. As in, I know every detail that happened last year, yet everyone's personalities are not distinct. I can't remember how it was.

Time brings change. I don't seriously miss anyone from a past life, except Brooke. And then also Danielle and Brooke K. I guess it feels like everyone else I knew were throwaways, like they didn't really care and weren't my friends, they were just "there" in my life. But now that we're in high school, I can never be friends with Danielle and Brooke anymore, because it just wouldn't work out. They mostly hang out with sophomore guys anyway. Danielle's in my health class and she talks to me sometimes but it's not like it used to, we've already gone our separate ways so there always ends up being nothing to say. We don't have things in common. I never see Brooke K. anymore at school but she was always nice to me and didn't treat me like some random person. Now that I think about it again, Brooke was a really good friend to me, I think that is cool. And even though Lindsay probably didn't really think of me as a good friend or anything, I always ended up hanging out with her and I can safely say she is one of the coolest people anyone will ever meet in their lifetime. Lindsay is psycho cool and she vibes good stuff. Jamey was cool, when I was good friends with him in the middle of 8th grade around the same time I was with Brooke K., I remember we used to always go to Longs and stuff and do weird random stuff around the marketplace. And I had to chug Red Bull and it was gross. And he bought me condoms for my birthday. I still say hi to Jay when I see him and he's the kool kat.

High school kind of sorts us out, I guess. The reason I hang out with who I am isn't that I chose my friends, but it happened by having things in common. Me, Jordan, Nick, Gavin, and Bryan, and whoever, we all have a lot of stuff in common which is why we always have something to talk about and whatnot. So in turn we became friends. I don't really know. I'm confused now.

Interesting story, last week when Matt, Sean, and Chris were at my house to "recieve the goods" we were all outside on the driveway with my sister and the three of them were talking about memories at Pine Valley and all the crazy shit they pulled there. And it was weird because Edwin was in a lot of these memories, though you wouldn't think of Edwin as a part of their friends. It seems like in middle school no one really had a place, we all just randomly came together and had fun and went psycho and made memories. In high school it naturally sorted us out somehow.

It feels weird when I have to duck my head and pretend I don't see the people I was once friends with. I feel like I'm a totally different person now, though I've not changed in any way. Kellie and Sarah are in my classes so I can talk to them, but all the other people I knew aren't. Though every once in a while we share our greetings and/or small conversations, it's still weird. I talked to Lisa during that half-pipe rally that was outside. Talked to Lindsay during our fire drill. Greeted Katie a Happy Birthday (and remembered exactly one year ago when I forgot her birthday and she was at my science table and was dissappointed). A few other random things, but it's not the same.

The "new" life I have is interesting, I don't like it any less, it's fun, my friends are there, and everything is played out like it's supposed to. I wonder which direction my life is going to turn next. New people remind me of people from my past. Kayla seems kinda like Lindsay, and Christen has that charisma that makes Brooke so lovable.

And Brooke. I'm scared that when Brooke comes back I won't be able to be with her because it's not the same anymore. But Brooke was different, and I know that if she was the same friend she always was, she will still be here for me and for everyone that misses her at San Ramon.

sharksarefun2081: OMGGGGG
sharksarefun2081: i jus got home from incubus
sharksarefun2081: they played i miss u and i cried
sharksarefun2081: ahhhh
sharksarefun2081: it was so sad

And to all the friends I know now, let us make memories to share together in the future.

Time brings change.