Hezo Kittie

First rant of the blog, coming your way.

It always seems, such as a bad thing always happen after Jordan leaves school for a long time, that I have a pretty bad fucking day after a good one. Yesterday was a good day, and yesterday I thought, "Why do I have this life? I do nothing to deserve it, I barely work hard for most things I do, yet I've got family, friends, and a whole bunch of other good crap," and I fell asleep and it was a good sleep and I dreamt of good things and everything was peachy. What I seem to not realize is, after living my fourteen long, endless years of life, that I always have a bad day after a good day. Let me tell you, most days are routine, they are neutral and I get nothing from them. But once in a while I have a day when things go right, and there would be this one little thing that would make me happy and it would make me soooo happy and I would feel like the most specialest person who ever walked the face of this Earth. And the next day things would never go as well as they had been, and there would be just one thing, one, sometimes even tiny, little thing, that makes me so depressed and lonely that I just don't want to be here. And right now as I look back at my life, I see someone who never amounted to more than anything, someone whose good feelings and friends and everything have never followed through and that all I'm left with is my stupid little self, the one who never amounted to more than anything, and it all starts with one tiny good thing.

Sometimes I just want to be like Ned Flanders, to be that perfect, good guy who works hard and gets everything until one day some retard motherfucker who doesn't deserve anything (Homer) to get everything he deserves, so I can just go psycho with my pent up whatever and talk shit to every single solitary person's face and to make them feel bad. But I'm not like that and it'll never happen. There will always be that person who is better, stronger, faster, better looking, smarter, and just plain cooler than little me. Now I feel like...not good. I feel like the shit on someone's shoe that they can't get off. And as I look back on this year again (because I was thinking about it since we were talking about graduation topics) I see this year that I supposedly thought to myself that this year was the greatest thing since sliced bread, but now all the good things I thought I saw deny me in my head, that everyone isn't who I thought they were.

I don't want to be here anymore, there's nothing left for me. I want to move and go somewhere, ANYWHERE else that would want me for me. My world revolves around people who pity me for being so dumb and "un-cool". All because of one stupid little thing.

And then God said...Kevin shall eat his free cotton candy alone.